White Collar Crime:
Hardcore, Anti-Guitar, Will They Go Far?

White Collar Crime is the semi-official house band of Soft Skull Press Inc., the Lower East Side's radical publishing company.  In 1999, Soft Skull made a splash by publishing the formerly censured Fortunate Son, a critical biography of George W. Bush.  Fronted by cartoonish singer, songwriter and publisher Sander Hicks-who ended up on 60 Minutes, mohawk and all, over Fortunate Son-the band is as likely to play a book party for free as it is to play a punk club for beer, and they like that way.  They also hate guitars.  In addition to Hicks, the band features Dale W. Miller on drums, Nick Colt on the keys, and John Berg as its sixth bass player (the others have quit or been fired, nobody has burst into flames or anything).

-Nick Mamatas

Question [for band]: So, are you guys just hired stooges for Sander, or what?
Dale: No, I don't think so.  I'm not getting paid enough to be a stooge.
Nick: I started as one, but my commitment to the band exceeded my desire for personal wealth.  WCC is too important to not have some form ofäwell not hierarchy, but structure.
John: I'm the newest in a long line of stooges.
Questions [for Sander]: You know, some of the guys call you "Templeton The Rat" behind your back because of your whiny, cartoony singing voice.
Sander: My singing is heavily influenced by animated musicals like the rats of The Secret of NIMH and Charlotte's Web.  I have a tattoo of a rat, being eaten by an owl, on my shoulder.  I've also killed 16 or 17 rats, and a cat.
Dale: You killed a cat?  The cat downstairs?  [in the former office of Soft Skull Press].
Sander: Yep, I did.
Dale: Oh, I can't show this interview to my girlfriend.  She's volunteering at the animal shelter.
Sander: [sing-song] Socialization!  Socialization!  People kill animals all the time, why not a cat?  The hammer had to fall.  It wasn't even a pet.  It had no love.  It had one emotion, hunger, if it had any more, I would have let it live.
Question: I think it is an intelligence issue.  If a cow could catch a Frisbee in the park, it would be off the plate. [band laughs].  Okay, next question.  If you guys were to be convicted of a white collar crime, which would you be convicted of?
Sander: Probably perjury, knowing my tendency to get sued and then panicking.
John: Stealing office supplies.
Sander: Is that really a white collar crime? [Nick Colt consults the dictionary]
Question: What sort of supplies?
John: Reams of paper, phones, file cabinetsä
Sander: Once you're stealing phones, that's white collar.
Dale: I haven't filed income taxes in five years.
Nick [consulting dictionary]: White collar has to do with not having to wear a work uniform.  You put us in suits and ties.  Are we white collar?
Sander: White collar crime really isn't about the clothes.  It's about classä
Dale: Yeah, there are people stealing millions of dollars through their businesses, and that has a massive impact through indirect violence, but it isn't as though people are directly being injured by them.
Nick: I know, I'd jam the fax machineäwith my penis!
Question: Here is the canonical MRR question.  Who are your influences?
Sander: That is the canonical MRR question!  Let me see, [counts them off on fingers] Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Dead Kennedys, Sex Pistolsä
Question: What? You sound nothing like anything of those bands!
John: Yeah, I'd say Dead Kennedys, Wireä
Sander: Buzzocks, Talking Heads, Enoä
Dale: Slayer!
John: Joy Divisionä
Sander: Evita, the movie soundtrack album.
Dale: Anything sincere, and with a desire to try something new.  If this band had a guitar, I wouldn't be here now.  Anything that is new and creative influences me.  I camp out at the Knitting Factory and Tonic [two NYC clubs specializing in avant-garde music], and I love WREK in Atlanta.
Question: So, what's next for White Collar Crime?
Dale: A Fall tour with Soft Skull, a new EP that we might turn into a full-length CD.
Nick: Three keyboards on stage instead of two.
Sander: Huh, what, what are we talking about?
Question: What's next for the band?
Sander: Oh, I totally blanked that question out.
Dale: We're here to ride off the coattails of Soft Skull booksä
Nick: Till we supercede it and become the cash cow!  But we love the books, we like Todd Colby [the poet and author of Riot In The Charm Factory].
Question: How do you guys feel about just being a parasite atop a publishing company, and playing publishing parties?
Sander: We're saying how great it is!
Nick: It's a great way to usurp Sander's power.
Sander: And get gigs!
Nick: Every band needs someone or something behind them, so they can reach their goals.
Sander: Soft Skull is our Hamburg.
Question: Okay, do you all have a message for the readers of Maximum Rock'n'Roll?
Sander: Punk rock is stupid if you can't hear the lyrics live.
Dale: You need a balance of energy, creativity and technical ability.  You just can't run up on stage and play anymore.  But you still need to be creative, and have something to say, or all the technical chops in the world won't mean shit.
Sander: More punks should say "I'm bored" when they are bored at punk shows.
Question: But what if that makes some poor punk rocker cry?
Nick: Todd Colby says to cry.  It's okay to cry.
John: I learned that you have to stay open.  A few years ago, if I heard of a four piece band with keyboards and no guitars at a punk show, I wouldn't have listened, I would have thought it was bullshit.  Using big words?  Fuck that!  We're more than the standard punk band.
Dale: People are missing part of punk rock.  It was supposed to be about rebellion, but it has been conformist, the same thing since the 1980s.
John: With Bush as President we have to step forward.
Nick: Anger is giving us the freedom to express ourselves.  When people are ruled, the intelligent ones can be free and rebel, because they know its bullshit.  When things go well, art often ends up just being cheesy.  We can be free and angry and happy.
Dale: People need to raise the bar of what they expect from life.  Play their game, beat their game, and then you can change the rules.  Until you do that, you're just a whining ass.

White Collar Crime CDs Death to Muzak and Their Laws are Dimwitt Greed, are available on the books page at www.softskull.com